Love is Patient ...

Sunday’s Epistle from St. Paul is commonly heard at weddings because of its description of Love:

Love is patient, love is kind.
It is not jealous, it is not pompous,
It is not inflated, it is not rude,
it does not seek its own interests,
it is not quick-tempered, it does not brood over injury,
it does not rejoice over wrongdoing
but rejoices with the truth.
It bears all things, believes all things,
hopes all things, endures all things.

These are beautiful words describing the kind of love we all hope to achieve in our lives, especially in marriage.  But wait there’s more.  The Love St. Paul is describing is not merely idealized, it is perfect.  We aspire to such great love, but inevitably we all fall far short.  Only God loves perfectly.  In fact, St. John uses the word Love to describe God Himself.  Another way of looking at the verses above is to substitute the word “God” for the word “love,” and we begin to understand something about the nature of God.  His love is so perfect that He died for us; not just for us, but for our sins!

It’s easy to love a person whom we view as nearly perfect, and it’s wonderful to have feelings of love for that person, but feelings are not love, they are just emotions, and emotions are fleeting.  Looking more closely at St. Paul’s definition of love, it becomes evident that love is a stream of choices, choices to put the good of another person ahead of our transitory feelings.  The kind of love St. Paul is describing is a conscious decision to act in certain ways (loving ways) even when, especially when we feel like doing otherwise.  In short, love is self-sacrificing.  The challenge is to put our pride, temper, lust, and self-interest in check, lest they make us impatient, brooding, or quick-tempered.    The human condition is such that we often allow our emotions to direct our words and actions, rather than real love which is self-sacrificing.  Love, in this sense, is a theological virtue. 

According to the Catechism of the Catholic Church (CCC), “A virtue is an habitual and firm disposition to do the good. It allows the person not only to perform good acts, but to give the best of himself” (CCC, no. 1803).  There are many human virtues which are habits of mind and will that support moral behavior.  They help us control our passions, guide our conduct, and avoid sin.  They are rooted in self-control, sense of duty, and self-discipline.  We acquire virtues from our parents and others whose good example shows us the path to a virtuous life.  However, only three virtues are considered theological: Faith, Hope and Love.  This is because they relate directly to God and are not acquired through human effort, but rather, are infused within us as gifts from God.  Consider for example, the powerful love we feel at the birth of a child.  That love is so overwhelming that we would do absolutely anything to protect and care for that infant.  Sadly, that love is destroyed when a child is taken from the womb.    

At the heart of real Love is belief in the dignity of every human person.  The obligation to respect the dignity of every person is often forgotten in our culture which exalts individual autonomy.  In many cases, love devolves into mere sentimentality which puts us at the mercy of our feelings.  This imperfect love is too often based in a sense of fairness in which relationships are maintained on the basis of “what I’m getting out of it.”  When another person is viewed as an object of our personal satisfaction, we are motivated by lust, not love.  When relationships are characterized by rudeness, self-interest, quick tempers and rejoicing over wrong-doing (to use Paul’s words) Love is not present. 

While it may be disheartening to reflect on our failure to love one another as St. Paul describes, we must remember that God alone is perfect and we need His grace (Presence) in our lives if we are to come anywhere close to loving as He loves.  Jesus established a covenant of love on our behalf and “Love never fails.”  God loves us despite our failings, and He has given us the immense gift of free will, so that we may learn from our mistakes, knowing that He died so that we may live, and live eternally in the presence of perfect Love.  We will never get it perfectly right in this world, but we get glimpses of the joy of perfect love every now and then.  This and more awaits us.  For now, the best we can do is work at maintaining a loving relationship with God, so as to benefit from His grace (Presence) in our lives, enabling us to love more completely in this life.